Unguarded thoughts of Mr Darcy
by Chilimt
Summary: As it is 10 year anniversary of 2005 rendition of Pride & Prejudice, I tried to capture the thoughts of Mr. Darcy as it was shown in the film. Please note that it is not entirely in keeping with the book. And a bit of fluff.
1. Chapter 1

#

Blast and damnation! I know Bingley is in dire need of country accommodation but the place he had chosen is quite inappropriate for them. I let him off my leash for once and there he goes and gets this place. No decent company for miles. And those people! Some of them have already visited. Constant stream of fathers with unmarried bunch of insipid daughters, I presume. Since the death of Bingley's father, I have been trying to protect my too trustful friend from such traps.

And there's this ball at the Assembly. I expect the worst.

#

I was right. This place is crowded and dismal. And all those people almost ogling us; I don't feel comfortable with it. Sir Lucas is trying to point out the more important ones of people from this menagerie.

I just saw this girl with very fine eyes and lips. I should not have looked. She might think I'm interested and undoubtedly report it to her mother. I must take a better grip on myself.

Thank God they started to dance again. I couldn't bear much more of this scrutiny.

And I was right again. First set of families looking for husbands is being introduced. The mother of the family talks one to the dozen. And among the daughters there is this girl again. I must not look, I must not smile. I stole some glances nevertheless. What is wrong with me?

Charles insists on taking the part in dancing. I'm not alone in rejecting this abhorrent idea. Caroline agrees with me. On the other hand she agrees with everything I say, so there's not much of a victory.

Now Charles talks to both of them, Jane AND Elisabeth Bennet. He definitely pays too much attention to this family. And she caught me staring at her! Only for a second but I managed to revert my gaze to other people. She must have noticed me looking at her and now she probably thinks I might be her new conquest. I really, really must control myself.

He asked Miss Bennet to dance. I dread to ask him later why he did that. I think this girl, this Elisabeth Bennet almost suggested I should ask her to dance. I think I brushed her off successfully. However now as she left us I almost regret. She does seem different to others here. No, I'd better not involve myself. That might give some ideas.

Charles is my friend but really his insistence on my dancing is testing our friendship. To keep him off me I just told him that he danced with the only handsome girl in the room. He seems quite taken with this girl. And to encourage me he mentions Miss Elisabeth. According to him she's very agreeable. Did he notice something? I must be careful in future. I tried to dispel his notions if he has any, saying that she is barely tolerable and not handsome enough to tempt me. I don't believe that but I had to say something to stop him talking and trying to make me dance.

As Bingley is dancing with Miss Lucas now, my eyes involuntarily turn to Miss Elisabeth. She is so very lively and her smile is engaging if only I admit that to myself. There are so many people here and they keep getting in my way, I almost lose the sight of her. I ventured to move to the other place in the room to have a better view of her. Her liveliness reminds me of Georgiana.

The music has stopped for a while, thank heavens. But I'm stranded in conversation with Bennets and Charles. The mother is insufferable. She is recounting the story of some poor fellow infatuation with Miss Bennet. To their credit, I can clearly see that both girls are extremely uncomfortable with her talking. I must say that Miss Elisabeth very elegantly cut her mother short. And with quite an intelligent remark too. Although a bit confusing to me. She seems to think the poetry kills the weak love. And probably I would have to agree with her. I asked her what she would recommend. My first venture into the conversation I have to admit. And I got punished for it. At least that is what I feel. She recommended dancing even if the partner is barely tolerable. Thank god I don't blush. She heard me. She must have heard me saying that about her. I was so stunned I couldn't say a word. I just looked at her and she kept her gaze staring directly at me. I can't say why but I felt a tingle in my stomach. I daresay she captured my attention overwhelmingly. I wanted her to stay but she turned and left the company. I couldn't help myself and I kept looking after her. Miss Elisabeth is definitely different to all those around me. Have I been wrong? It rarely happens. Thankfully I don't think anyone noticed. I forbade myself to smile and it worked. Although in normal circumstances I would smile at her smart retort.

I must watch Bingley closer. He doesn't seem to look at anybody else but Miss Bennet. Do I need to be worried?

#

Apparently Bingley asked Caroline to invite Miss Bennet. I don't like the sound of it. Luckily he and I are dining out. Otherwise I would be worried. Miss Bennet seems nice enough but a bit dull for my taste.

#

There is something about this affair that I don't like. Miss Bennet came by horse, got caught in the rain and got ill. Obviously Caroline couldn't let her go in this state and Miss Bennet stayed the night. And we had to send for the doctor as she was really unwell.

Why would the Bennets allow her to come on horseback? The weather was not that fine. Is that a trap, I wonder? If so, this is a very dangerous game. The girl might have ended much worse than cold.

Bingley is happy. On the other hand, Charles is always happy and of sunny disposition. Much too gentle for this world. But there is a good outcome. He started to act as a proper master of the house, organizing the doctor's visit, room for Miss Bennet etc. I think Caroline should have taken care of it but Charles didn't want even to hear of it; he wanted to be the person responsible for Miss Bennet's wellbeing. Caroline didn't venture to take her initiative from him. I wonder why. She invited Miss Bennet but at times was almost uncivil to her.

Bingley is everywhere this morning. I'm not sure what got into him. He barely touched his breakfast and stormed off somewhere, leaving me alone with Caroline. I tried to dissuade her from talking to me, pretending to read my papers but she can't be that easily shrugged off.

Miss Elisabeth Bennet is announced. Now, there is something to draw my attention. I wonder why she came.

I don't know what to think. As soon as I saw her I felt a thunderbolt inside me. She looks angelic. She looks so beautiful. She… I almost forgot to stand up and bow. I can't speak. She obviously walked here and the walk gave her this fresh look and slight blush to her cheeks. Her eyes look so radiant. Her hair is flowing freely.

Caroline is quite rude to her. Miss Elizabeth is a bit flustered at this hostile welcome. But nonplussed she asks about her sister.

I literally force myself to speak and tell her that her sister is upstairs. I can hardly say anything more. I have never seen anything so beautiful. I feel like part of me is dying when she leaves the room. I have never felt like this before. Caroline is saying something about her muddy hem. What do I care?! She was a vision of unearthly beauty.

I don't know what is happening to me. I can't allow myself to be attracted to Miss Elisabeth. I have my position to think of. Yet there is something about her…

I regret at not saying anything more. Perhaps I should have offered to show her the room. I…

#

So Miss Elisabeth was offered a room to stay with her sister. After the long sleep I think I have come to my senses. I was overcome but that was only because her looks yesterday morning stunned me. But obviously I met a lot of beautiful women before and I can deal with a Miss Elisabeth just as with others.

However I'm quite happy that she mostly stays with her sister and she rarely comes downstairs. There is obviously no danger to me to fall for her but I'd much prefer her not to be too much in my company. I admit she is very beautiful and quite entertaining but she is not a part of my world. And can never be.

With such beauty and wit there will surely be a man interested enough in her to pursue her. Probably more than one. Although I can't say that she will be lucky to find a partner equal to her attributes. She is the most handsome woman I…

No, I'm not going there.

#

I would have thought that when one writes letters others should be aware that I cannot successfully engage in the conversation and letter writing in equal measures. Caroline seems to be obtuse of this fact. As she keeps asking me questions. Sometimes being polite is not sufficient.

I surrender into this conversation about the accomplishments of ladies. I honestly believe in what I say. To be accomplished means a lot. When I mention the need for extensive reading, she promptly closes her book. There is this stubbornness about her that I cannot fathom. Or is it mischievousness I mean?

And that prompted a response from Miss Elisabeth. I have to turn and properly look at her. I avoided doing it so far although she always seems to be in my peripheral vision.

She is too witty for her own good. I would've laughed but there is something that bothers me about her.

I'm trying very hard not to look as Caroline and Miss Elisabeth do the turn round the room. But then she asks me directly about my faults. I know she asks facetiously but I am determined to fight this allure she has and answer her truthfully.

Caroline bites back. She really verges on civility sometimes. I just couldn't be so rude to anybody. I sneak a look at Miss Elisabeth. I admire her that she took it so bravely and with a smile. She goes back to her seat.

My head is muddled. She seems to invade my thoughts. Looking into her eyes was disturbing. She has the finest eyes I have ever seen. The ones I could drown myself into. Luckily I can control myself.

#

Nearly all of those Bennets are announced at the breakfast. Now one can clearly see how very crude they are. Whenever Mrs Bennet speaks I shudder inwardly.

I think the youngest of them almost forced Bingley to hold a ball. They are all giggling and they act inappropriately.

There is however a distinction between them and Miss Elisabeth. I observe her keenly and as often as I can without staring. She looks as she is embarrassed by her sisters and her mother. I'm not surprised. I admit she behaves better that I thought she ever would.

#

I am relieved they are all leaving Netherfield. It couldn't happen soon enough. The presence of Miss Elisabeth disturbed my thoughts and now we can all come back to our lives. Possibly without meeting her again.

What am I doing? I just helped her into the carriage. The touch of her hand was like a thunder. The shock wave went through my body. She was evidently surprised at my gesture. I'm more surprised than her. It is just that the thought that I may never see her again made me want to touch her. I gave her a good-bye look and turned quickly. My hand burns as if I touched open fire. It's incomprehensible. For a second there I lost control over myself. I am glad that she is gone.

#

Bingley is unsupportable. He insists that we pay a visit to the Bennets. Ostensibly to inquire after Miss Bennet health. I'm very reluctant to go but I think I need to pay more attention to Charles so I agree. It seems to me he might be infatuated with Miss Bennet. I don't know what he is thinking. She is not a desired match for him.

We meet them by the river. All five of Bennet girls and apparently some officer. I might have known that those girls would be eager to mingle with the military. Miss Elisabeth is standing too close to this officer for my liking.

Oh my dear god! It's Wickham! This odious man that I thought I would never lay my eyes on again. The youngest Bennet girl has the cheek to force Bingley again and invite Wickham to the ball. It is more that I can bear. I turn my horse and ride away. I don't know what enrages me more, the sight of Wickham or the fact that he was standing close to Miss Elisabeth.

#

Bingley seems determined to hold the ball he promised to the Bennets. I can't think why he is so keen on it. I can't say I'm enamoured with balls. And to be completely honest no dance partner ever gave me sufficient pleasure to dance with t as to make me prevailed to enjoy dancing.

I wonder what dress Miss Elisabeth will wear. No, I don't. It does not interest me at all.

#

I don't comprehend what I am looking for. I cannot find peace and I keep pacing the rooms.

There she is. I confess she looks most alluring. Evidently she took great care in her preparations for the ball. I wonder why she took so much trouble. I usually saw her plainly and simply dressed. And I found it endearing somewhat. She didn't notice me and I follow her graceful figure for a few steps. Her white muslin dress draws my eyes and I almost ogle her shape. Her delicate neck makes me think of… Stop it! I turn abruptly as my reason comes back to me. I hope no one noticed.

#

She's dancing with some curate or such. She is not paying much attention to him as she is conversing with her sister. There must be some distressing news that she hears as she looks agitated.

I cannot wait much longer. I step into her path as she is going down from dancing, all smiling and laughing with Miss Lucas. She composes herself immediately when she sees me. I like it that she is not too frivolous. When I ask her for the next dance she concedes. Without smile. But then, I'm not smiling either.

When we stand to dance I can finally look at her straight without being afraid to be noticed. Elisabeth looks like a vision of loveliness. I freely admire her exquisite face, her long neck and those beyond beautiful eyes. And when we start to dance I can hold her hands. Fortunately, I do not react to the touch as previously but it still sends shivers down my spine. She seems in a playful mood as she teases me on required conversation during the dance. I comply. Her voice is more pleasing to my ears than the actual music played. And I have the pleasure of her smiling at me. She has the most beautiful smile.

I'm thinking of the subjects of conversation that we can pursue during the dance. Her closeness does affect me greatly and my thoughts are flying all over the place. I stumble finally on the last time I saw her and ask if they often walk to Meryton. I immediately regret it. It reminded me, and her apparently, of Wickham. She talks about hearing of the accounts of me that puzzle her exceedingly. I stop her in the middle of the dance pulling tightly her hands. I am at two minds what she meant. Was it anything about Georgiana or she only meant my character? I quickly return to dance with a promise to her for affording more clarity in the future. The air between us is effervescent. The atmosphere changed from playful to loaded with emotions. At least it granted me intense stares from her. Although I am slightly annoyed with her I did enjoy looking deeply into those fine eyes. I feel as though there is no one else in the room but us. And this whole ball is just for us. In this moment of time only we exist and a wave of happiness fulfils my whole body. My annoyance subsides and I look at her with all the longing for her I feel. Elisabeth is perfect. Her poise, her gestures, her manner of speaking.

Alas the dance ends. She curtseys and leaves. I'm left there bereft of thoughts. There are only emotions. I'm lost as this state is quite new for me.

I do not know how I am to endure the rest of the ball. The inevitable dance with Caroline fills me with dread.

The people here are just annoying. I would rather be left with my thoughts.

But as I come down the stairs I hear Mrs. Bennet telling her company that she is expecting the advantageous marriage. I knew they had planned to entrap Bingley.

#

Sleepless nights are never helpful to my health. Yet this night brought me peace. I collected my thoughts and made some important decisions. At breakfast I found an unexpected ally in Caroline and together we managed to persuade Charles to leave for Pemberley.

And as the carriage takes us away I ponder over the events from this last month. I must impose a stronger control over my reactions. I feel I'm being seduced by the wiles of this exquisite woman. As it has no future I have to be very careful. It might seem like I'm fleeing out of cowardice but I have to think of Bingley too. We both succumbed to the charms of women with inappropriate connections and lower standing in life. They may consider it a victory but it is of short duration.

I shall endeavour to relegate Elisabeth from my thoughts. Miss Elisabeth I should say.

#

As they say it is easier said than done. When I'm alone my thoughts always wander to Elisabeth. Her smile, her eyes, her full lips and all this gorgeousness of her. I admit I admire also her wit and poise. There is a vitality about her that I would love to possess exclusively and embrace with my arms.

Elisabeth, dammit, Miss Elisabeth just might be the woman I have been searching all my life. I am convinced that she would make me a happy man. But it is not to be. Her social position is too low in comparison with mine. And I do need to think about my family expectations.

#

My aunt wrote. She is expecting from me a visit. I'm trying very hard to postpone this duty as much as I am able. I have run out of excuses.

#

My aunt wrote again but his time I'm reading her letter with more interest. She is recounting the story of the parson living in her grounds. This is the impertinent man who accosted me at the Netherfield ball and the one who danced with Elisabeth. Apparently he proposed to her and was refused. I must admit I have to admire her courage. In her family circumstances, the match would be most advisable. Yet she refused.

And now as he married Miss Lucas who as far as I recall is the friend of Elisabeth, Miss Elisabeth I meant, she will be visiting them. My aunt is very curious of Miss Elisabeth. If only for her to see the woman who refused an advantageous marriage. My aunt is full of good advices to others and I'm quite convinced that she will try to help Miss Elisabeth with her stray ways and independent spirit.

I might reconsider my stance toward the long overdue visit to Kent. My aunt will be glad to see her favourite nephew.

#

This might be a test for me. To see if meeting Elisabeth after all those months would ignite the emotions I have been trying to squash. If only to myself I must admit that my feelings for her are very intense. However hard I try I cannot make myself stop thinking about Elisabeth. I recollect all our little conversations and try to find a glimmer of hope that she might return my feelings.

She won. I have no doubt that she will be flattered when she knows about my feelings for her. I have tried and tried to fight them but they are too strong. I am aware that my choice will be a disappointment to my family. But I cannot fight any longer.

#

Elizabeth comes for dinner! My aunt has invited the parson and his wife to Rosings but also extended her invitation to their quest. I can't find a place for myself. I need to see her soon or I shall go mad.

Thank heavens that I brought Fitzwilliam with me. My aunt talks incessantly. And at least half of her conversation is now directed to Fitzwilliam so I am able to gather my thoughts for a moment.

#

I'm standing by the window and I can see them coming. My dearest Elisabeth is walking steadily, whilst Mr. Collins is mincing his steps, constantly stopping and going. He seems very excited.

In a moment I shall see her!

#

She doesn't see me when they enter as I stand with Fitzwilliam by the window. I watch this diverting scene where Mr. Collins is trying very hard to appear distinguished and subdued at the same time. I see her half smile at Mr. Collins little dance. She might despise him as much as I do. There is obviously a kinship between us. And it is as much undeniable as the differences.

When she finally notices me, I see that she is startled but her face does not betray any emotions. I hope mine is as unreadable as hers. She is even more beautiful than I remember her. To my aunt inquiry, she replies that she had the pleasure of meeting me in Hertfordshire. I do hope she means it.

#

My aunt interference in the table seating, however rude it might seem, has granted me a pleasure of seating next to Elisabeth. I try to engage her in a polite conversation and I'm hopeful as she replies in cheerful attitude. We are interrupted by my aunt again. And she starts to pose many questions to Elisabeth. I understand that lady Catherine is curious of this girl but I am starting to feel more and more uncomfortable with the intensity of those questions. On mention of there being no governess in the Bennet household, Collins emits some strange disapproving noise. This man is insufferable.

As I listen to their discourse I begin to think that my aunt is purposefully rude. And I am amazed that I had not noticed it earlier. I always found her disagreeable but now I am acutely hurt by her remarks directed at Elisabeth. But I have the pleasure to listen how bravely she takes this sheer abuse and stands her ground. This woman is beyond my expectations. I admire her enormously. I wish I could spare her from the world's harm. All I want is to take her in my arms and keep her there.

Elisabeth actually made my aunt speechless. I am so proud of her. But somehow this admiration is not shared by others I fear. Perhaps only Fitzwilliam appreciates it.

#

My aunt just made Elisabeth to play the pianoforte despite her protests and assurances that she plays poorly. Collins made some unforgivable remark. I should say something but I can't find my words.

Elisabeth moves to the instrument. I can clearly see that she dreads it. I cannot constrain myself from following her with my eyes. I missed her so much these past few months. My aunt voice awakens me from my reverie. She asks about Georgiana and I have to say that she plays very well but in these circumstances I do not find this remark appropriate. My aunt continues with some advice on practice. And I stray in Elisabeth's direction. She has this pull over me and I cannot keep away, especially when she is in such close proximity.

She greets me in her playful mode and I comply. She really does not play well but her voice is like the voice of angels to my ears.

Fitzwilliam joins us and I am frustrated that I cannot have this moment only to ourselves. And now Elisabeth has the opportunity to tease me. She is very playful and she looks so beautiful I would like to kiss those teases away.

Aunt calls Fitzwilliam away. I try to explain to Elisabeth that I do not have the talent of conversing easily with the people I have never met before. She is too witty for me. She suggests I should take my aunt advice and practise. I feel rebuked by her. And I cannot stay there as much as I would like it. I leave her but I can't help myself and have a long look at her playing. Perhaps I should have said something else but with her so close my emotions take the better of me.

#

I toss and turn in my bed. I keep repeating our conversation in my mind. There are so many things I should have said. With her close I seem to forget the words. I cannot comprehend how I got myself into this. I need to tell her about my feelings. Perhaps this act will free my tongue. But I am still afraid that I will forget what I want to say.

#

I have decided. I shall go to her and declare myself.

#

I waited so long in the woods to see when it will be an appropriate time to visit Elisabeth that my horse almost fell asleep.

I think they have gone now and she is alone. I must do it quickly.

#

I almost took the door to the parlour out with my forceful entry.

But now seeing her I cannot bring myself to say the things I wanted to say. She looks so lovely in the morning light. I apparently interrupted her writing the letters. She is kind and civil. She asks me to sit but I cannot move from the spot. She clearly thinks I came to see the Collinses. She asks if I want the tea. I refuse as I cannot allow myself to lose my resolve. I am nervous and I say some trivial things about the cottage. I don't know how to bring the subject of matrimony in these circumstances.

I am rescued or damned I cannot decide by the sudden entrance of Mrs. Collins.

I quickly depart.

#

That was a disaster. I ride slowly through the woods to clear my head. I have the idea to write down my declaration and then say it quickly.

She must know by now how I feel about her. I just need to say the words and the love of my life will be mine.

#

I wrote it down.

Miss Elisabeth, I have struggled in vain and I can bear it no longer. These past months have been a torment. I came to Rosings with the single object of seeing you. I have fought against my better judgement, my family's expectations, the inferiority of your birth, my rank and circumstances. And all those things I am willing to put aside and ask you to put an end to my agony. Please do me the honour of accepting my hand.

I am quite sure that if I learn it by heart I shall be able to deliver it.

I can go to sleep now. Tomorrow is Sunday and I shall try to seek her company alone and declare my intentions.

#

I am repeating the words of declaration in my head constantly. I am sure I shall deliver them without an unnecessary and uncomfortable silences.

I hardly listen to Collins delivering his sermon. The usual drivel I suppose. Did he just said something about the intercourse? This man is unbearable.

I just caught her eye for the tiniest of the moment. She must have observed me. She obviously is certain of my affection and awaits my declaration. Elisabeth now avoids my eyes. She demurely looks straight ahead. I expect this is the moment she was awaiting her whole life.

#

We're leaving the church and I cannot trace her. She could not have left already. Collinses' carriage is still here and it starts to rain. Where is she?

Is it her? This figure running over the bridge towards the folly? She should not have run. It is not deemed respectable for the ladies to run. I always say so to Georgiana.

As nobody pays any attention to me I start to walk quickly towards the bridge.

Now I think I shall have to run. Otherwise I may lose the sight of her. I hope nobody noticed.

#

I startle her with my sudden appearance at the folly. I waste no time. Deep breath and here I go.

'Miss Elisabeth, I have struggled in vain and I can bear it no longer. These past months have been a torment. I came to Rosings with the single object of seeing you.'

And additional 'I had to see you' escapes me. I must come back to the part I learned.

'I have fought against my better judgement, my family's expectations, the inferiority of your birth, my rank and circumstances. And all those things I am willing to put aside and ask you to put an end to my agony.'

She interrupts my flow and says that she doesn't understand. And I cannot keep myself in control any longer I blurt out that I love her. Most ardently.

But I need to finish my speech.

'Please do me the honour of accepting my hand.'

She is silent. She looks at me uncomprehendingly, it seems. But surely it must not be so.

Then she delivers the speech when each word strikes blows into my heart.

I don't understand.

Maybe she is saying it in jest. She denies.

Sudden anger rise in me. She is rejecting me. I can hardly believe my ears.

I ask why she delivers such a message with such uncivility. I ask for her reasons.

And then we start to quarrel. She accuses me of separating her sister and Bingley. I cannot deny it. We are both rising our voices now.

She asks for my reasons now. Something comes over me and I say what I think about her family. I accuse them of impropriety. It is a blow to her I can see that clearly.

I need to be fair, I exclude her and her sister. She is silent again. She must agree with me as she has calmed down. So have I.

But then she mentions Wickham. My anger is renewed and I make few steps in her direction. We have never been so close before. I can almost feel her breath on my face.

My anger gets the better of me. And I accuse her of hurting her pride and we exchange very bitter words. But her outburst of accusations is releasing so much emotions in her. I have never seen her in such a state. We are both wet from the rain. And some of her locks are stuck to her beautiful face.

When she finally says that she cannot be prevailed upon to marry me, despite what she says I just want to kiss her lovely lips and pull her tightly to my chest and keep her in my arms forever.

My body nearly lunges at her but I restrain myself with all the will I possess. I am not angry at her; I am heartbroken.

I can only leave her now with gentle words: 'Forgive me, madam, for taking up so much of your time.'

#

As I am shut in my room, my head plays the morning scene over and over again. I have no words. My world has just collapsed. My happiness is beyond my reach.

She despises me when I thought she encouraged me.

I feel nothing.

As I hear her accusations in my head, I know I must do something about it.

I need to occupy my thoughts with a purpose. I know I lost her but at least I need to explain my actions. It may not help my cause but my name may be cleared at least in some respects.

#

As I approach the parsonage it looks deserted. It is late afternoon now, almost evening and as I enter I see Elisabeth in her night gown standing in front of the mirror and staring into it without purpose. She does not turn. She is like a statue with her arms wrapped around her. She looks lost and there is nothing more that I would rather do than coming to her and hide her in my arms, covering her head and face with kisses to take the worry away.

But this is just my dream that will never come true now. I tell her the purpose of my visit. She doesn't turn or look at me.

I tell her what are the contents of the letter and still she doesn't turn. She doesn't want me there. So with the last look at her I leave the place quietly.

Until now I only have read of heartbreak and inwardly laughed at it. Now this pain is a part of my experience. I rush the horse through the woods. I need to find some calm in my head and in my heart.


	2. Chapter 2

**_First of all, I would like to thank profusely to anyone who sacrificed their time to read my efforts and especially to those who reviewed with such lovely comments. I can't thank you enough._**

**_Please be pre-warned that I took some liberty with the story and I also included 'the US ending' of the film as I think it was missing from European release. I know Austen would never allow for any kisses but tough, it's 21_****_st_****_ century now._**

#

Georgiana is very young but noticeably wise for her age, having been given a harsh lesson by life. I wish I could spare her that but at the same time I know that this lesson changed her for better. She was never a bother but after this unfortunate affair she became more observant and more composed.

And those newly acquired observational skills now put me in the centre of her attention. She just made a speech directed to me about her worry over me. Luckily her governess was not in the room.

How can I dismiss her care? I need to share my pain with someone or I will die inside. As I start to talk I spare her the details of my infatuation. I just tell her about Elisabeth. While I speak my pain is renewed although it never went away since this disastrous Sunday at the folly. But talking about Elisabeth brings me also a respite. It soothes my longing for her. In time I may be able to forget her. In time.

#

London was insufferable. I am glad that this business with my steward had come about. I missed Georgiana. I missed Pemberley.

As I enter the house, my housekeeper runs towards me and informs me that as she was unaware of my arrival today she allowed for some visitors to the house and that they are about to finish their tour.

I am not bothered as they are always kept off the premises actually used by the family.

As I enter Georgiana's parlour I see her playing the pianoforte. And I recognise the tune. Elisabeth played it at Rosings.

I creep quietly and stand behind Georgiana. She finally notices me and lets out the squeal of joy. My sweet sister! It is always such a delight to see her. She jumps into my arms and I spin with her once. When I put her down her startled gaze is directed to the other door. I turn and for a moment I swear I'm dreaming. It's Elisabeth's face.

I'm lost for words. And I cannot be certain that it was her but I beg forgiveness of Georgiana and run after this vision.

It may not be a vision as I hear someone running down the stairs. I am running after her now. I'm convinced that it is her. As soon as I'm out of the house I see her lovely figure running towards the stairs to the gardens. She is here! My lovely, lovely Elisabeth is here.

I call her name. She stops as though resigned that she cannot escape. She turns.

I walk quickly in her direction. I'm still in daze. She cannot be real, yet here she stands before me with her head down.

My eyes wander over all of her. She finally rises her head and explains that she thought I was in London. There is no formal greeting. We are both past it.

I sense that we are both nervous but probably for different reasons. We speak both at the same time.

She finally smiles, I missed that smile so much, when she explains that she is travelling with her aunt and uncle.

Our conversation is awkward and strained. I am at loss for words as I have dreamt of her being at Pemberley, although in a different manner, and I just want to get my fill of her. I could just stare at her without saying anything but I force myself to continue the conversation to keep her here as long as possible. I remember the promise I made to myself that I need to change.

Her nervousness is probably due to her distaste for me.

She starts to apologise for intrusion. I want to ensure her that I do not consider her a nuisance and quite contrary to it. I want to say so many things and all I can do is shake my head. I'm back to my state of speechlessness around Elisabeth.

I offer to drive her to Lambton. She refuses very quickly. I understand, she doesn't want to be alone with me.

And then I'm met with the sweet smile as she explains her refusal that she likes walking.

I say that I know that. I almost said 'I know you' but refrain from saying that. She might think it too forward of me. But I do know her. And I love what I know.

#

As soon as she left me, my body was quicker than my thoughts. I mounted the horse and galloped to Lambton. I managed to talk to Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner alone as Elisabeth still had not arrived. And I invited them to dinner tomorrow. I tried to be less formal and more open with them. They seemed delighted with the idea of dinner.

And now as I'm riding slowly back home I almost want to sing with joy. What a glorious day! I arrived to Pemberley in the worst of my moods. But with only one moment of seeing Elisabeth my life seems better. I will try my best to show her that there is other Fitzwilliam Darcy. The man that could be instead of the man she knows.

#

I'm trying to keep calm. I can't wait to see Elisabeth again. My talented, sweet sister plays her pianoforte so skilfully. I am very proud of her.

The door opens and Georgiana jumps with joy and runs to greet our guests. I smile as I remember I have told her numerous times that ladies do not run. It seems I can only love ladies that run.

We all seem to be in very high spirits. Smiles all round. Georgiana let it slip that I talked about Elisabeth but fortunately all is welcomed with smiles. And I have the opportunity to smile at Elisabeth and she smiles back at me. She looks at me with mysterious glint in her eye.

I want her to see me in a different light altogether. When I'm at home among people who want nothing from me but love. I may have gone too far in this as Elisabeth wants no love from me. And Gardiners would probably be satisfied with just friendship.

Nevertheless I am a very happy man today.

#

I drove them back to Lambton in a carriage. They invited me for a last glass of wine for the evening but we're interrupted as Elisabeth gets a letter from Miss Bennet.

I wait impatiently for her to come back to us. This longer and longer absence of Elisabeth makes me uneasy. I want to invite them for the dinner tomorrow and this time I would prefer if Elisabeth was present. I can't get enough of her. All through dinner I had this blissful opportunity to stare at her unabashedly as she was as lively as ever and was almost always in the centre of attention. At least my attention. Even when Mr. Gardiner was recounting the anecdotes I stealthily looked at her. I believe she knew I was looking at her. And our eyes met over the table many times. And each time her smile had this mysterious quality that sent shivers down my spine. She did not avoid my gaze and if it would be within the limits of propriety I could just gaze into her eyes all through the evening. I hold hope against hope that she may have forgiven me. And her feelings towards me have changed and that she does not hate me anymore. That is sufficient for the present.

Then suddenly she comes into the room all in tears. My heart stopped. I cannot bear her unhappy. And now she leaves the room again. I am anxious and all I would want now is to take her in my arms and comfort her in her misery. I have often dreamt of her in my arms and how it would feel to kiss those inviting lips.

I stand up again as she comes back. And as she relates the unfortunate contents of the letter my heart is sinking. Wickham! My dearest Elisabeth is unhappy because of him. I offer ineffective words of comfort. I feel it is my fault. I should have exposed him for what he is.

She cannot stop crying and it hurts me deeply. And at the moment I know I lost her completely. Again.

With the fallen sister there is no possibility that anyone of the family will be welcomed in the society. I see in her eyes that she knows it too. Her despair is too painful for me to see. I think that she conveys a farewell in her eyes. I know that we will never meet again. The pain is too much for me. And I feel useless. I leave them.

#

It looks like it will be another sleepless night. This day has brought me indescribable happiness and unfathomable despair. I want to help Elisabeth but the circumstances are abominable. I love her but her family…

Why was this Lydia allowed to travel with the people relatively unknown to the family? What was Mr. Bennet thinking?

I wish there was something I could do. At least I could try.

#

This whole affair is detestable. And so are the people I had to deal with. I'm excluding Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner for obvious reasons.

These last days were unendurable. I found Wickham and Lydia quite easily. However to convince this appalling man to marry this wretched wench was a battle I had to fight very sneakily. I abhor any duplicity, deceitfulness and treachery. Wickham is an epitome of those attributes. Any dealings with this repugnant man make me feel infected with his disease. In the end I managed to persuade him. All the costs, his commission, girl's dowry and wedding, are unimportant now and a small price if it means that Elisabeth's tears will dry.

There is only the issue of having him as a member of Bennet family that pains me. I know that will not make Elisabeth happy. But I just couldn't see the other way to settle the matter.

London suddenly feels like a prison to me. I am unhappy in this place. I miss Georgiana and Pemberley. Give me a month in the country over the day in London anytime.

But as I'm here I might try to right another wrong. And it also involves somehow my dearest Elisabeth. I do love her most ardently. Her well-being is the uppermost in my thoughts. Even if her heart is closed to me. After the rejection I have tried so hard to overcome my feelings for her but I have failed miserably. It appears I would have to marry someone else not for love but out of my sense of duty.

But at least I can make my friend happy. I dread to meet with Bingley at the club where I'm going presently. I hope that his infatuation with Miss Jane Bennet was deeper, or at least deep enough for him to renew his intentions. I just want to make Elisabeth happy.

#

It went better than I had expected, if I am to be honest. Bingley, bless him, has never been too much of a thinker. And nearly as soon as I endeavoured to explain my actions, he decided to go to Netherfield where we are now traveling. It is not the turn of events I expected. Bingley practically begged me to accompany him. I finally agreed when I found out that Caroline will not be going with him. I shall only stay for a day or two. Just to ensure that Bingley will complete his mission.

Not surprisingly, both of us are lost in thoughts and the journey is mostly silent. My thoughts as almost always drift to lovely Elisabeth. I can only hope that I shall have the opportunity to see her.

#

Bingley is almost shivering as we are approaching Longbourne. He chats incessantly. What if they will not receive me? What if Miss Bennet is already promised to another? What if she refuses me? What if she never really had any feelings for me?

I try to calm him and tell him to compose himself. I can easily understand his fears but fears have to be faced. Otherwise they will torment us forever.

#

As we enter the room all the ladies are composed, apart from the mother. Mrs. Bennet doesn't even allow Bingley to say a word as she chatters away with the local news. I sneak a peek at Elisabeth. She looks so beautiful in this morning light.

Mrs. Bennet is now talking about the marriage of Lydia. This woman has no sense of propriety. But I must admit that in some respects she is no different than my aunt Catherine.

Elisabeth is visibly uncomfortable with her mother's conversation and elegantly interjects with the question to Bingley. This woman is beyond perfection.

As Mrs. Bennet talks only to Bingley, ignoring me completely, Elisabeth again interposes with the question directed at me. I am grateful for her action as I can unashamedly look straight at her and gaze, even briefly, into those finest eyes on earth.

She hopes the weather will be fine for our sports, clearly assuming I will be staying longer. I inform her truthfully that I shall leave tomorrow. My response evokes a question from her that it is so soon. I am again lost for words. Perhaps I declared my intentions of return to London too hastily. Perhaps later I can explain my actions. Perhaps I shall change my plans.

Bingley panicked. Not unpredictably overwhelmed by the sheer forcefulness of Mrs. Bennet's chatter. He leaves so quickly that I'm left there alone with them. He surprised everyone as far as I can see. I excuse myself and leave.

#

I could honestly murder Bingley now. I didn't have my fill of Elisabeth. I was hoping to stay for the tea and possibly just talk to her. I would have the opportunity to look at her beautiful face and now I am bereft of this pleasure.

I stop him by the pond. He confesses that he lost his courage. In view of events I cannot wholeheartedly blame him. My needs and desires must take the second place.

I tell him to compose himself and try to say the words as he would say to Miss Bennet. I even indulge him in playing her part.

Finally I lose my patience. I tell him what he must do. He must ask for permission to speak to Miss Bennet alone. Then he must apologize for his behaviour. And then ask straight for her hand. Those instructions are simple enough even for Bingley.

I may be harsh but it works. He builds up his courage and goes back to the house. I sincerely hope he will succeed.

I suspect my harshness was brought about by my own feelings of loss. I feel like my heart is being broken again.

I wait for a few moments to see if he re-emerges from the house crestfallen. But as I can see no such occurrence, I turn and walk back to Netherfield.

#

I can't sleep again. I don't even know for what reason.

When Bingley finally came back he was almost flying with joy when he paced he room. He could not stop himself. He recounted the events with such detail that I felt like I was there with him. He said, she said, they said, Mr. Bennet said. He did not mention Elisabeth which was strange but soothing for my bleeding heart.

I recognise the reason for my sleeplessness. It is envy. I should be probably ashamed.

There is a commotion in the house. I wish they all went to sleep and allow me to think in silence.

Someone knocks on my door. It's Bingley! Oh for heaven's sake, if it is still about his proposal to Miss Bennet I shall explode!

Bingley informs me that my aunt has just arrived and demands seeing me. My aunt?

I dress very quickly and not properly but since she has come at such late hour, there must be something that is extremely important.

#

I think I cannot comprehend fully what she is saying to me. She came to Hertfordshire because she heard a rumour?

But as she starts to recount her visit to the Bennets and her conversation with Elisabeth, my mind is focused. She pours so much bile into her description of Elisabeth's haughtiness that my anger is building up. But she said that Elisabeth refused to promise not to enter into the engagement with me. Have my ears deceive me? I need to think in peace what it might mean and my aunt just cannot stop herself.

I finally stop her and tell her that I find her behaviour unacceptable. There was never a slightest notion in me that I would marry Anne. And I emphasise that Miss Elisabeth Bennet is the best person I have ever met, that I admire her and respect her enormously. And I will not stand any further displeasing words said against her.

I also make it clear to my aunt that whatever further dealings are between me and Miss Elisabeth, it is clearly only between her and myself. And I will not abide any further interference be it from her or from anyone else.

With this I turn and leave the room.

#

I don't know what happened to my aunt. Did she leave her senses?

My mind is full of thoughts and hopes. Would that mean that in some near future I might be able to convince Elisabeth to accept me? Does it mean that she does not hate me anymore? Will I have any chance for happiness?

I can't go to sleep now. I grab my long coat and leave the house.

My feet have the mind of their own. I walk towards Longbourne. I hoped that the brisk air would clear my mind. I wear just my shirt and coat but I don't feel the chilliness. I am burning inside.

My mind replays the events of last two weeks. I am trying hard to understand what it all means.

#

The dawn is slowly dispersing the light mist. As I'm coming closer my heart is beating faster. I have no plan of action. What am I supposed to do when I reach Longbourne? I cannot raise all family at this ungodly hour. And I'm not in the proper state to meet them anyway.

I look ahead and suddenly there in the distance is the lonely figure. My heart almost escapes from my chest. Elisabeth!

Is it fate that I meet her?

As I stop in front of her, I'm again lost for words. Her beautiful, beautiful face lit by shy rays of the rising sun is a spectacle in itself. My love for her fulfils my whole body.

And now she tells me that she couldn't sleep. Nor could I.

I try to apologise for my aunt's behaviour. But she stops me saying that after all I have done it is her that should be making the amends.

She knows what I have done. I am slightly annoyed as I made Lydia promise that she will not say anything. I should have known that she couldn't be trusted.

All I can do now is to ensure Elisabeth that all I've done was for her. Surely she must know that.

I cannot read her face. It tells me nothing of what her attitude is to me now. She is my Mona Lisa. Is this an approving smile that I can see?

I need the clarity so I say that she is too generous to trifle with me and I beseech her to tell me if her feelings are the same as they were last April, she should tell me at once. I want to assure her that my affections and wishes have not changed. But one word from her will silence me forever.

She does not say a word. There's this smile again, mysterious to me. There might still be a hope.

I take one step towards her. I gather my courage and say to her that if however her feelings have changed, I must confess that she bewitched me body and soul. And that I love her. Inexplicably for me I stutter over 'love' word. I tell her that I never wish to be parted from her from this day on.

She just looks at me. My heart is beating so fast and loud that I think it surely drowns the singing of the early birds.

And now she steps towards me and takes my hand into her warm, delicate hands. I can't comprehend what her intentions are; I can't think. I feel the knot in my stomach tightening.

She gently strokes my hand, says 'Well then' and kisses my hand.

I can hardly breathe. The happiness overflows my poor, struggling heart. She will be my wife!

I hesitantly cup her cheek with my other hand and gently caress her delicate skin.

I have no words.

I touch her forehead with mine and slowly, very slowly grind it with my head. We are frozen in time but we are engulfed in the warmth of the rising sun.

#

I lost the track of time. I don't know how long we are standing there united in blissful silence.

The overflowing emotion within me escapes me and I whisper that I love her so much.

I am almost beside myself when she whispers back 'I love you very much too.'

I feel a weakness in my knees, if it wasn't for her here I might have stumbled. I pull from her slightly and take her beautiful face into both of my hands. I gaze very intently into her eyes. My sense of propriety has left me altogether.

I ask her if I may kiss her. The most beautiful smile welcomes my words and with all the mischievousness in her that I adore so much she says that I may but only if no one sees us. She adds that she would not like people to agree with my aunt when they judge her on her wantonness.

I cannot help but smile. But when my lips touch hers I feel the fireworks going off in my head and I want to stay in this moment forever.

#

I find Mr. Bennet a relatively reasonable man. He is quite reserved with me but I have already expected that as Elisabeth warned me that as far as she knows, she is the only member of family, other than Lydia obviously, that is aware of my help and all the rest of them think severely of me.

As we conclude our conversation, Mr. Bennet emphasises very strongly that his consent is only given on condition that Elisabeth is determined to have me as his priorities lie only with her well-being. This might be the wisest thing I heard uttered by Mr. Bennet.

I bow and leave him.

In the corridor I pass Elisabeth as she now enters her father's study. Her father urges her to close the door but my sweet love very slowly closes it, giving me her lovely smile that sends shivers down my spine.

#

Why does it take so long? I pace the courtyard maniacally. Surely Elisabeth had consented. I can't think straight. Perhaps her father is against this marriage. He probably is very reluctant to let her go as she is his favourite daughter which he didn't omit to repeat several times during our conversation.

Why does it take it long? I can hear her sisters giggling and I can see in the corner of my eye that Miss Bennet and Mrs. Bennet stand in the window and watch me. Undoubtedly conversing about me. I cannot hope that I have won this family's respect merely by asking for Elisabeth's hand.

Why does it take so long?

#

Elisabeth finally emerges from the house. I stopped my pacing and I watch her intently.

She turns her head as if looking for me; she finally sees me and this heart-warming smile of hers spreads across her features.

She starts to run in my direction and I catch her in my arms at the last moment as she entwines her arms around me. We make a few spins. As she jumped at me I heard horrified gasps coming from the house.

I finally put her down and she quickly says that if I like it or not she will be Mrs. Darcy. I can only smile. Words fail me again.

Mrs. Bennet nearly shot out of the house and runs (do they all run in this family?) towards us, screaming at the top of her voice, 'Lizzie, Lizzie, stop it at once.' We both laugh looking deeply into each other's eyes.

#

I am so happy that I want to scream it to the whole world.

It is a warm evening and we are on the balcony. I became more adventurous since my dearest Elisabeth became my wife. I stand on the bench and stare into darkness. I want everyone to know that I love my wife. Elisabeth is lovingly stroking my naked calf.

No, I shan't be screaming. I sit down opposite her and ask her how is she tonight. I use the words 'my dear'. She declares that she would rather not have me calling her that. She explains that her father calls her mother that when he is cross about something. I ask what endearments I am allowed.

She is in the playful mood. She lists 'Lizzie', 'my pearl', 'goddess divine'. I join her in her game and ask her what I should call her if I am cross with her. She makes a face in mock indignation and I suggest that I use 'Mrs. Darcy'. She denies vehemently and looks as if she is piqued by my suggestion. But she tells me in her sweetest voice that I may call her 'Mrs. Darcy' only if I am completely, perfectly and incandescently happy.

I laugh quietly but then as my feelings take over I ask her again in all seriousness: 'But how are you this evening, Mrs Darcy?' I gently kiss her forehead.

'Mrs. Darcy' – I kiss her left cheek.

'Mrs. Darcy' – I kiss the tip of her nose.

'Mrs. Darcy' – I kiss her right cheek.

I raise my hand to her face and caress her chin gently with my thumb.

'Mrs. Darcy' – I kiss her sweet and giving lips.

My Mrs. Darcy. My love.


	3. Chapter 3

**_This chapter is not directly connected with the film nor the book. It is done because of a request and it's dedicated to Juliana A. They are still Darcy's thoughts and I still have in mind Matthew Macfadyen and Keira Knightley. In my mind it takes place before 'American ending' of the film._**

**_It is definitely M rated for rather obvious reasons. And if you are not into it you can safely stop reading now._**

#

I am very nervous. Not for myself but for my sweet Elisabeth.

As we are leaving Longbourne in the carriage her bright smile somewhat mingled with a regret of parting with her family I presume. I have to be honest with myself, I am rather relieved.

I put my arm around her, one of the gestures I have dreamt of doing for such a long time. She raised her face to me with a teary smile. I am not certain that it is the best manner to calm her pains but I kiss her gently. It may be for strictly selfish reasons, I admit, as this has become my favourite pastime of recent long months of engagement the unbearableness of which I had to endure. She responds to my kiss very tentatively and then burrows her head in my chest. I may give her a time to accustom herself with her thoughts as there is a long journey before us. And she is on the brink of a new life, entirely different to her present one.

I also need that time to composure myself. I am not certain how much her mother had told her about the life she can expect. My sweet, innocent Elisabeth.

#

I admit that during our engagement I took some liberties with her but I have discovered that her natural curiosity of mind mixed with her mischievousness has granted me some very pleasant mornings and afternoons in her company. Has it been on her own accord or in collusion with her sister, I am not certain, but often when we went for walks with Miss Bennet and Bingley, the paths of each couple seem to diverge inexplicably in two different directions. Thus I often found myself alone with her. It was not entirely appropriate behaviour on our part but at those times I could not bring myself to point it out as the result was extremely pleasing to me. Luckily the paths we took were not partaken by others and were full of mysterious coves and shaded areas that we could examine thoroughly.

If I could I would blush now as during those blissful moments I could not restrain myself from taking her into my arms and kiss her to distraction. As I felt her body eagerly clinging to mine the rush of desire within me had to be restrained with all the will I possess. They were not chaste kisses as the one we shared on this blissful dawn when Elisabeth agreed to become mine. And I was a dedicated teacher, If I say so myself, and had a very apt pupil. I still recall the first time I ventured to open her lips with my tongue, I heard her gasp but it enabled me to pursue my intention. She appeared to find this novel pleasure highly enjoyable.

I have tried very hard to keep my hands chastely on her back but they must have had a mind of their own as they wandered freely all over her. Luckily for me, Elisabeth loved my hands' ministrations as she assured me frequently and volubly. And I cannot but wonder that she never commented on the perceptible bulge in my trousers.

Those reminiscences are visibly making it apparent now how much I enjoyed those moments. Luckily Elisabeth is asleep and cannot see my predicament. I kiss her head gently and try to subdue my desires. There is still a long way to Pemberley.

#

We must be near to Pemberley now. Although the evening has fallen, I still can recognise the familiar sights.

I hope Mrs. Reynolds had made the preparations I have instructed in my letter.

As Georgiana will be staying with the Fitzwilliams, we will have the house to ourselves. It seems to me it is the fitting manner in which Elisabeth can slowly resume her duties as the mistress of Pemberley.

#

As the carriage stops in front of the door I can feel Elisabeth stirring from her sleep. She asks if we have arrived and as a form of reply I kiss those sleepy lips to make her fully awake. It apparently works as she entwines her arms around my neck and moans quietly.

If she insists on doing it I may not be able to wait till we reach our rooms.

#

Mrs. Reynold is beyond reproach. I am satisfied with the arrangements. Now I can made a proper use of the room adjoining my bedroom as Elisabeth is taken there.

Luckily there is no need for unnecessary delays as we have eaten at the inn when we made a stop. And I expect we both had our baths in the morning prior to our wedding.

#

My thoughts are running away from me. I am pacing the room as I hear the murmur of voices from the other room. I expect Elisabeth is satisfied with her new lady-maid.

I am not sure if I might be too forward as I have nothing under my dressing gown. But then I want to feel her with all of my body.

I wish I knew what Elisabeth was told by her mother. I am afraid to scare her.

I should be tired but my mind, and body, is very alert in anticipation of seeing Elisabeth here in my room.

I need to compose myself. I sit down on the bed. But my legs are still shaking.

The voices went silent. It may mean that Elisabeth may open those doors any second now.

#

I turn my head at the sound of door opening. I stand up and go to the middle of the room.

Elisabeth looks radiant. Her hair flows freely over her shoulders, exactly as I like it. I am amazed again at her beauty. Again I'm speechless.

She looks at me with her shy smile. Delicate blush is visible on her cheeks. She wears dressing gown and I can see the white night gown underneath. She plays with her hands in front of her as she does when she is nervous or unsure what to do.

She still stays in the doorway and now she bows her head and looks at the floor. I am suddenly awaken from my stupor. I walk towards her and take her hands into mine.

I ask her if she found everything to her liking. She finally looks into my eyes and the hot wave rushes through me. I need to be patient. I need to be gentle.

I smile at her and she replies that everything was to perfection. Again this shy smile.

I ask her if she is tired. My real question is if she is anxious but I cannot force myself to say it aloud.

She doesn't say a word and just shakes her head.

I know she needs to be reassured but I am at loss what I should say to her.

I resign myself to taking her beautiful face into my hands and to telling her that I love her very much and that I will love her till the end of my days.

She smiles more brightly at this and I kiss her gently. My hands wander to her shoulders and then to her back. When we stop for breath I pull her deeper into my embrace. I thought for a moment that she was shaking but even if there were any tremors now she puts her arms around me and clings to me as if looking for protection.

She is rarely lost for words and I do appreciate the reason for her silence at the present.

I slowly disengage myself and take her hand. I slowly lead her in the direction of the bed. She follows without hesitation which gives me hope.

We stop by the bed. I smile at her. I hope reassuringly. She smiles back.

My hands tremble slightly as I untie the knot of her dressing gown. I'm trying to take control over this as I'm feeling very foolish.

She stares intently into my eyes. When her dressing gown is discarded on the floor I kiss her lips with a long and deep kiss. Then my lips wander to her long, lovely neck. She sighs with pleasure and I feel stirring inside me but I try to pace myself.

My lips are kissing her collarbone and her shoulder when at the same time my hands are slipping her gown down. She gasps again when she stands before me naked. I can't restrain my eyes from wandering over her whole beautiful, supple body. I want to cover it all with my kisses but I know I must take it slowly to make it as much pleasurable for her as I am able.

I scoop her in my arms and place her slowly on the bed. As she lays there gracefully, I see that to my relief there is no unnecessary modesty in her and I take my time in taking off my dressing gown when my eyes devour all her beauty before me.

As I lie down beside her, the most enchanting smile spreads on her face and we again are lost in the kiss. Now I can give vent to my lust and I start kissing her breast, paying a special attention with my lips to her nipple whilst caressing her other breast. She moans loudly and buries her hand in my hair. I move to the other breast and as her desire grows, she arches her back to me.

I want to go lower but I can't judge if she is ready for such intimacy, so I'm returning to her sweet lips to quash any protests when my hand slowly reaches for her thighs.

She instinctively closes her thighs but I intensify the kiss to distract her mind and my fingers finally reach her womanhood. I stroke her gently and her body responds as she unconsciously lifts her hips.

Now I can slowly resume my journey south. As I place myself between her thighs, lovingly caressing her beautiful long legs, I can feel that she is getting tense. I can't stop now. And as my lips touch her, I sneakily look at her face. Her eyes are closed and her lips form a silent O. The lessons I learned in my early youth are a good use for me now as I work with my lips and tongue. She is very wet and the thought of it makes me react quite forcefully and I know deep inside that I cannot wait too much longer. I want to be a one entity with my Elisabeth.

My lovely wife is now writhing sensuously on the bed. I move up to her lips for a deep kiss, her moans made me more than ready. I pull off slightly and I whisper to her that it may hurt her a bit now and I assure her that I love her more than my life. She doesn't appear to be frightened so very, very slowly I slid inside her. She screams at one point, thankfully not very loudly and I keep still to wait for her to adjust to the sensation. I think her face is calm now and she looks at me lovingly as far as I can read her.

I resume my labour of love.

#

Some night it was but what a day! I feel like a naughty child. We have spent the whole of today mostly in bed discovering our pleasures.

I have been waiting for my Elisabeth for so long that I needed my fill of her.

Not that I have exhausted my desires but there is this new life that we have to share to our full enjoyment.

As the evening seems mild I ask the love of my life to go with me to the balcony. I want to share with her my every pleasure.


	4. Chapter 4

#

I have forgotten my hat. I have just realised it. Why no one has mentioned it to me I cannot understand. Not even Elisabeth. Well, I can easily appreciate that. I constantly have to remind her to wear a bonnet where we venture anywhere. She says that she is used to roam the countryside without any restraining items. Restraining to her mind I believe. But she is now the mistress of Pemberley and it is important how people see her.

I have indulged her during our journey through Scotland after we were married. Now, however, we must behave as our position imply.

Should I turn back? We are almost half way to the stream in the woods. The place we both love.

She is several paces ahead of me. I find it my own secret pleasure to watch her as she gracefully moves to coordinate her movement with that of the horse. I always thought her inveterate walker but I finally managed to convince her that horses have their own use sometimes.

She turns her head and looks at me. She smiles. My love for her smile has not diminished from the moment I first saw it.

#

Elisabeth has already reached our destination for this morning ride. She stopped her horse by the bank of the stream.

When I reach her, she turns to me with a mysterious smile. She says quietly that there must be something wrong with the harness, as her saddle felt unstable. I quickly jump from the horse. I'm suddenly anxious for her safety. She is the most precious person to me, admittedly more precious than Georgiana. I am not proud of this thought but there it is. The truth.

I bend to check the belts and buckles but I cannot find any looseness. I'm still checking when in the corner of my eye I notice that she slowly lifts her skirts off her leg up to above her knee, where the stocking stops covering her lithe, tempting skin of her thigh. She flirtatiously says that I might have to check the saddle. I can't help but smile. I can't make myself to look into her eyes, I know I'll be lost. I try to be calm and gently tell her that we are in the public place and it would be highly inappropriate for us to forget it.

I sneak a glance at her face. She makes a pout. In mock indignation she tells me that she might have guessed that after three months of marriage I am bored with her.

I smile but I refuse to look at her properly. At least one of us must satisfy the requirements of decorum.

She takes off her bonnet and drops it on the ground. I start to go to get it but she stops me with her knee pressed into my chest. As I refused to raise my eyes her thigh is right in the line of my gaze. I sigh at this and I surrender.

I bow and start to kiss it lovingly just above the stocking. Now it's Elisabeth time to sigh quietly. My hand reaches under her petticoats and gently caresses her other thigh. I know we should stop it and I tell so Elisabeth between my kisses. The only response I get is her heavier breathing. She grips the saddle so hard, that her knuckles are almost white. And as much as I try to stop myself, my lips are slowly moving higher and in the direction of her inner thigh. And as she invitingly, gradually spreads her legs I know I cannot fight it no longer. But as her pleasure grows she tilts back her head and lose a balance for a moment. It is a lucky thing that my hands were able to take a firm grip on her thighs. Otherwise she might have slipped and fell off the horse.

I am suddenly awaken from my daze and quite annoyed. Due to this frivolity I might have lost my Elisabeth. I would never forgive myself.

Are my ears deceiving me? She is laughing. Impossible woman.

I cannot laugh. I fought too hard for her hand. I cannot lose her.

She asks me to help her to get down. I do it but I cannot shake this growing anger in me at my thoughtlessness.

She tries to meet my gaze but I avoid her eyes. I turn back and take few steps away from her. She calls after me in surprised voice. After a short while I turn back and finally meet her eyes. Her face is saddened and concerned.

I did not mean to make her sad so I try to explain slowly what is in my mind. I am not very good at this. And she does not appear to understand why I am cross.

I mention propriety and our social standing, her safety and my fears. However, Elisabeth does not take it kindly for some reason. Her beautiful cheeks are flushed and her hair is in disarray. She reminds me the moment I saw her when she arrived on foot at Netherfield. My reaction to her beauty appears unchanged. I am struck speechless again. I just stare at her.

In my hazy stupor I failed to listen to her words. She must have said something important but I missed it. She angrily stamps her foot on the ground and walks away to the bank of the stream.

Is this our first fight as a married couple? Our relations were always intense but now I am at the loss of reasons for this particular altercation. I'm raking my brain in vain for any remembrance of what she have just said.

I turn my head and I cannot find her with my eyes. There is nothing else for me but to follow her.

#

I find her deeper in the woods. She sits on a fallen log in a small clearing. Her head is bowed down and she plays with her hands in her lap.

When she hears my approach, she deliberately turns away from me, showing me her back.

It is my fault. I made her sad and angry. My own anger is long gone at this sight of unhappiness of my beloved Elisabeth.

I call her name but although she twitches at the sound of my voice, she does not move.

I feel helpless. I finally walk towards her and kneel before her not taking into account the fact that a knee area of my breeches will show the signs of the muddy grass.

I take her hands into mine. She does not protest which might be a good sign. I place delicate kisses over her hands. I look at her and start to ask her forgiveness very quietly and as gently as I am able. Only now I see the tears on her beloved face. She is still not facing me.

I try to explain that seeing her in pain is a greater torment to me that I could ever inflict on me myself. I long to take her into my arms but I need some encouragement. I fall silent. I'm waiting for a sign.

Very slowly she turns to me. But still her eyes look down. Now she starts to apologise to me. I shake my head and stop her by asking to look into my eyes. When she complies, my heart almost breaks. I take her into my arms and straighten up holding her tightly. Then I kiss her swollen from crying lips, tasting the salty tears. I deepen my kiss and she finally responds with her own passion. When we stop for breath, she buries her face into my chest and whispers that she never wants to quarrel with me again. My sweet Elisabeth!

I finally put her down but I do not release her from my arms. I whisper into her ear that we have this particular talent of misunderstanding each other. And I can hear her quietly smirking at this.

I raise her up again but this time my hand firmly holds her bottom. She instinctively wraps her long legs around my hips. Very slowly, trying not to lose my own balance, I sit on the log with Elisabeth still wrapped around me. I hug her more closely to me. We sit in this position for some moments.

I feel so close to her, I smell her delicate jasmine perfume. I am still berating myself for this misunderstanding but I can see that it has some advantages.

Elisabeth begins to stir, slightly pulls herself off me and looks at me with her mischievous smile that I know so well. She playfully points out that we sit in the most indecent and improper position imaginable. And that she cannot condone this indecorum any longer. I kiss those teasing lips and reply that I shall take full responsibility for any consequences as I love my wife to distraction and my love for her makes me behave quite impolite and in breach of society rules. She laughs at this and then kisses me with such a passion that I fear for my sense of balance on the log.

This closeness, her kisses and her involuntary movements on my lap soon inevitably begin to stir my desire. I kiss her long neck, and any part of her skin that is exposed to me. Elisabeth starts to breathe heavily again and sighs. At the sound of it my own desire must be perceptible to her.

As much as I try to calm myself down, she does not help me. Her hips are grinding against me, she begins to moan and she closed her eyes.

I have to stop this. I can and I should control myself.

I may indulge this madness for a while but we cannot behave like this here. Our bedchamber is a better place for…

My hands wander to her legs and I pull up her skirts; I stroke lovingly her thighs, then I move my hands to her back and digging my fingers into her plumpness I tug her more into me. We both groan when her womanhood touches my troublesome bulge in my breeches.

I must stop it now. It is not too late.

Elisabeth rocks her hips slowly.

It is too late. She reaches the buttons on my breeches and ably frees me.

I move my hands to her back and loosen the ribbons of her dress. It enables me to pull down the dress from her shoulders and for my lips to cover new and favourite areas with my hungry lips.

I wish to God no one has decided to pouch in those woods at the moment and even if so, I wish they will not see us.

Elisabeth guides me into her and again we groan in unison at the pleasure. I grab her buttocks and I press Elisabeth to the rhythm I need now. She was more than ready to receive me but I move one of my hands into my lap to rub and intensify her pleasure as our movements now are quicker and deeper. Her nails almost dig holes into my shoulders.

She moans my name. I know that 'William' is reserved by her only for our special occasions when her passion makes her utter my name with indescribable sweetness and abandon. She threw her head back as her pleasure grew but I need those lips now when I am reaching my peak. I pulled her head to my face with my hand gripping her hair. I should have been gentler but I have no control now over my movements. She does not appear to mind it though and her deep kiss sends additional shivers down my spine. I almost screamed down her throat when my passion reached the ultimate point.

We pant heavily now into each other faces and our eyes penetrate our souls. Elisabeth burrows her head between my neck and the shoulder. She gently kisses my neck. I stroke her hair, now in complete disorder.

I cannot help but wonder what is that I have done in my life that the fate had sent me this incredible woman. I guess it was pure luck on my part that I let Bingley take Netherfield.

#

I lift Elisabeth and put her on the ground. She stumbles slightly and I have to steady her. I expect her knees are still weak from the pleasure. I know it must be so as I myself barely can stand straight.

As I am putting my breeches in order I sneak a glance at Elisabeth. She is so alluring in her discomposure. I help her with the dress but I cannot stop myself from kissing her lovely neck. She smiles but urges me to help with the ribbons at the back of her dress.

#

As we have put ourselves in more or less acceptable state, with the possible exception of Elisabeth's hair and lips who bear the signs of being ravished by me, we walk very slowly to our horses. I have not tied them to any tree so I honestly hope they are still there as I am too weak to walk this far, back to Pemberley.

She teases me with the question: 'How do you explain those stains, Mr. Darcy?' She points out at my knees. I join her in her amusement and say that my only explanation lies in the fact that my beautiful but wild wife lost her bonnet and I had to hunt for it in the bushes. Indeed I am afraid that those breeches are rather ruined but I feel no regret.

As I glance at her smiling and contended face I venture to say that I may start those cross words' exchange between us more often if she promises that the reconciliation will always be so sweet. She playfully hits my arm and I wince mockingly.

I am the happiest of men.


	5. Chapter 5

#

Well, I have said before that it might not be the greatest idea. Quite distressing for Elisabeth. But I am also aware that despite everything she misses her family.

As we travel she clings to me like a small child in need of protection. I would endeavour anything to spare her hurt and disappointment but I cannot bring myself to stay with her at Longbourne. Especially as they expect the visit from Lydia and her husband. Elisabeth in her wisdom has accepted and even encouraged my absence from this family reunion.

I shall travel to London to meet the Bingleys. Very wisely they have left Netherfield for the season. I'm certain that the decision was prompted by the closeness of the Bennet family that they had found overbearing, even considering the pleasant and agreeable dispositions of both Bingley and Jane.

I hug her closely as I am acutely aware that I shall miss my beloved wife. My wife. I am still in the state of constant amazement that I can call her that. And it will be the first time that we shall be apart from the day of our wedding.

The previous night was very intense to both of us. We hardly slept but for reasons sweeter than anyone could imagine. Elisabeth loved me with such abandonment that one might have thought we were never to meet again. The remembrance of it still sends shivers down my spine. I kiss her forehead gently and she murmurs contentedly. She is sleepy and I also can hardly keep my eyes open.

I pull blanket over her figure. It is quite chilly.

#

I think I find none of them changed really. Bennet hardly speaks, he is just watching me and I find it uncomfortable.

Mrs. Bennet definitely has not changed. She is more subdued when she talks directly to me. But on the other hand she is so reverential that I find it hard to be polite. I try, if only for Elisabeth's sake.

Miss Kitty is still a giggling girl and her eyes do not leave me for a second. I think that the only person ignoring my presence is Miss Mary and I thank God for her indifference.

Elisabeth is trying to steer the conversation away from the upcoming visit from Lydia. She shots nervous glances in my direction.

This dinner takes the interminable time.

#

It is a very uncomfortable bed. I can't believe that Elisabeth and Jane have shared it for so many years.

And what is more uncomfortable I cannot really enjoy the presence of my wife here. She snuggled into me and I have to fight the urge to act upon my desire. Luckily her mind is far away.

#

In my mind's eye I can still see her teary eyes and brave but unsure smile as she had come outside to say goodbye. Notwithstanding the piercing gaze of four pairs of eyes, I took her into my arms and kissed her deeply, trying to convey all my envisaged longing for her and all my love for this wondrous creature.

Mrs. Bennet gasped, Miss Kitty giggled, Miss Mary tut-tutted and Bennet grunted.

It is only two hours since I saw her but I can feel the acute pain of her being away from me. This fortnight will be a torment.

#

I can clearly see that Bingley and Jane are well suited. They both always try to find goodness in everyone and everything. Even Caroline.

Her attendance to me apparently has not vanished. Although I was hopeful that it might. And her sharp tongue has not mellowed and it might be sharper than I remember.

She has just asked me for the umpteenth time why 'Miss Eliza' had not honoured them with her presence. I am truly tired with her constant insinuations at Elisabeth's former standing in the society. And she says it in the presence of Jane! I glance at Georgiana and she is visibly perturbed by this attack at Elisabeth. I have seen how the love between Elisabeth and Georgiana had grown over those months as I knew it would.

I emphasise very strongly 'Mrs. Darcy' in my reply, although I am conscious of the fact that there were certain conditions imposed by Elisabeth on my using this term. The thought of her brings a warm feeling to my heart.

I wonder why Jane is not saying more in Elisabeth's defence.

Luckily the letters are brought and I have an excuse to leave them as there is a letter for me forwarded from my house from my beloved Elisabeth.

#

'Three days of sheer torment' she wrote. Lydia and her husband have indeed arrived and Elisabeth is unhappy. I knew it. I knew she would be upset and disappointed.

I waste no time and I am writing her a letter that despite our previous arrangements I am intending to hasten to Longbourne within a day and fetch her from there. She is to journey with me back to London.

She always liked the balls and there is the season for them in Town. Balls without her are a waste of time for me anyway as I do not dance with anyone. Despite Bingley's persistence.

#

As I join the company I ask Jane to have a private interview with her. She looks surprised but leads me to her private parlour.

If she only could, Caroline would join us, I can clearly see that. But to my quiet satisfaction there is no opportunity for her to do so.

#

I explain to Jane that I am intending to bring Elisabeth to Town. At which a bright smile spreads on her face. I am grateful for this.

I tell her that as Elisabeth had not proposed to come here previously her wardrobe might be lacking the glamour expected in London. Therefore I ask her to arrange for some appropriate wardrobe and jewellery for my Elisabeth to meet the requirements of the society.

Jane agrees without hesitation. I am sure she can manage it much better than myself. I hurry to ensure her that any costs will be borne by me and I shall settle the matter directly with Bingley.

I also ask her to extend her care to Georgiana as she will be staying at home only with Mrs. Annesley for company. Quite confident in her assurances I leave the parlour.

#

Finally we have left them. As much as I appreciate Bingley, his sister's presence is most disagreeable to me.

I explain my plan again to Georgiana in the carriage and I can see the pure joy shown at her sister joining us within days. It warms my heart.

#

I am anxious and the horses cannot run speedily enough for me. I am to join my beloved wife.

#

Now if it is not awkward I truly do not know what it is. The whole family stands in the doorway to greet me. Even this… Wickham.

To my enormous pleasure, Elisabeth is wearing her travel clothes. I do love this woman.

She runs to my arms as soon as I get out of the carriage. I hug the love of my life in my arms. I am contented now.

Mrs. Bennet urges us to come in as we can all catch a cold with all this standing outside. Elisabeth is quicker than me and says that we won't be staying here long as she is ready for her journey.

She disengage herself from my arms which I allow her to do very reluctantly and she walks to them to say her goodbyes.

However I feel it may be impolite to the Bennets and I say quietly to Elisabeth that we may stay a couple of hours to rest the horses.

She is not happy with me, her eyes tell me but she concedes and we all enter the house.

#

I am not sure what goes through Elisabeth's mind. At the end of luncheon she insists that her father should accompany us in our journey to London. I thought that he hated London. And why is she not inviting others for good measure? Apparently I am of one mind on this with Mrs. Bennet and Kitty. I really abhor the idea as they are both very eager to go.

I shudder inwardly. I don't think that I can stand it. If Lydia joins the plea I might explode.

Elisabeth does not pay any attention to them and again asks her father to join us.

I must give credit to Bennet for being more perceptive and understanding than I thought him before. He vehemently declined that he should travel with us, despite Elisabeth's insistence. He looked me straight in the eye and said that he made his decision and that it was final. I think that Bennet since the unfortunate affair with Lydia had finally got more resolve. And it was sorely needed in this household.

#

We finally leave Longbourne. I am immensely relieved that we are alone in the carriage. I have got quite a fright before.

I wonder if I ever associate any agreeable thoughts with Longbourne. Luckily I did not have the necessity to talk to Wickham. We only bowed stiffly at each other on greeting and goodbye.

I am deeply shaken and annoyed that I had to see him again.

Elisabeth for some reason did not sit with me but she had chosen the seat opposite me.

I cannot fathom what her intense look, which she gives me, means. Therefore I ask her if she is content to see me. She is silent. Only this look.

I am raking my brain for any other question that I may ask to force her to speak to me. I finally pose a question if she is cross with me.

And that made her to grin at me with half smile. She asks if I am content that we travel alone.

I reply truthfully that I am. And then she asks me if the thought of additional company in the carriage discomfited me.

Some cautious thought begins to dawn upon me. Was this insistence for her father's company a kind of punishment for me? I ask her a straight question.

Inexplicably to me, she laughs and there is this mischievous glint in her eye. When she stops laughing, she says that it was a punishment for me for stopping for luncheon at Longbourne instead of going straight back to London as she wished. And she adds that she had asked her father purposefully as she was sure that he would have declined. She could not risk it with any of her sisters or her mother as they would surely agree.

I am torn between anger and laugh. I believe my mouth is wide open at this treachery. Finally I surrender to laugh but I lunge forward to her and she squeals in joy. I tickle her at her waist where I know she is the most sensitive. She keeps laughing and begging me to stop. I cannot stop.

Her closeness and touch of her after our, unbearably long for me, separation brings the worst in me. I grab her waist and pull her to me. I almost devour those smiling lips with mine and I go for a deep, long kiss. She moans quietly into my throat and entwines her hands round my neck. As the kiss is prolonged her hands wander to my hair and I feel I cannot let her go with just this kiss.

I know it is against any propriety but her body clinging to mine results in a familiar stir in my nether regions. I move my lips to her neck and her chest. I move my hands in such a manner that my thumbs are on her breasts gently caressing them, especially in the nipple area. She moans quietly but says 'Please, Darcy, not here. We should not.' She moves away from me. She tries to reach the other seat but I grab her hips and put my lips to her back, trying to undo those blasted ribbons on her dress. She laughs and asks if this is how a gentlemen behaves in the carriage. I reply that a gentlemen in love with his wife can do nothing less. She turns to face me, smiles and says that she missed me.

I pull her down in my lap for a kiss to her neck and she responds with loving kisses showered on my face. My hands work ceaselessly at her ribbons to be loosened. And I remove her dress off her shoulders to kiss them. With my other hand I venture under her petticoats, along her lithe, smooth legs, to reach her core. And when I give her pleasure she starts to moan louder and her hips grind to find her own rhythm. I whisper to her that we must be silent and in agreement with me she bites her lower lip which muffles her groans and excites me more than I can endure. As if knowing this she reaches to my breeches and opens them. My manhood is ready but I want to show her how much I have missed her.

Elisabeth writhes under the touch of my fingers and finally arranges herself on the seat; I raise her leg and move it onto my shoulder as I place myself between her thighs. I kiss her now exposed breasts as her pleasure is rising. And as she reaches her peak, I can feel her wetness flowing and her whole body shakes.

I should have given her more pleasure but I know that I am longing to be inside her. As she recovers, for purely selfish reasons I slide into her smoothness and a loud groan escapes me. To stifle my reactions now it is my turn to bite my lip. As she opened for me wider with her leg on my shoulder I plunge myself very deep and deeper with each movement of my hips.

No lip biting for either of us now as our pleasures grow although we both try to be quiet. I quicken my pace and dive into her harder and harder.

My release comes faster than I planned but I die in her arms with wild contentment. I take her leg off my shoulder with loving kisses to her thigh but I miss her lips, so I move closer to her face to meet those hungry lips that were waiting for me.

I pull off from the kiss and as I am completely, perfectly and incandescently happy, I whisper to her 'Mrs. Darcy'.


	6. Chapter 6

**_To all readers and reviewers in particular: thank you very much for sacrificing your time to read my little story. I really appreciate it._**

**_And to one anonymous reviewer, who so obviously does not like it, I suggest … just stop reading :-)_**

#

I have come to adore those slow, lazy evenings. With fire slowly crackling. Georgiana is gently playing the pianoforte with music so soothing and embalming to our souls that there are no words necessary to describe our bliss.

Elisabeth is cuddled in the place that she had declared as her favourite space in the whole world. I heartily agree with this sentiment. She sits in my lap with her legs curled, her sleepy head nestled between my shoulder and neck, my arms around her in a tight grip. I smile when I think of the time she sat like this for the first time in the presence of others and I was a bit disturbed by its apparent impropriety. However, as she did it only in the presence of Georgiana and Mrs. Annesley, and they both have received the gesture with complacent smiles of approval, I yielded to this indulgence as it became our little family's secret. And there is no denying the fact that her being in my arms is my own favourite place for her.

I was not certain if the family's secret circle should be extended to Elisabeth's father as he sits now in his preferred armchair by the fireplace. His face was slightly troubled when he saw Elisabeth coming to my lap but then he had looked at us for a longer while intensely and apparently reconciled himself with this sight. I thought I saw tears in his eyes but it might be the distortion made by the flickering light. I am not certain what he thinks about it as he had not said a word and is gazing now into the fire with a slight smile on his face.

Elisabeth's breath has become steady. I think she fell asleep. There was definitely too much excitement today. The arrival of her father, letters received from all her sisters and her mother even (with the exception of Lydia) and pressure of organising her first ball at Pemberley.

Oh, good. Georgiana has just finished playing. I wave at her and try to mime that Elisabeth had fallen asleep. However I wake her as I am trying to get up. She wants to get off me but I tell her that I am not letting her out of my arms. Maybe it sounded harsher that I intended.

However Elisabeth smiles sleepily and complies with my almost demand. I beg pardon of our company and with Elisabeth in my arms I leave the room.

#

Mrs. Reynolds is as efficient and extraordinary as I know her to be. As I passed her in the corridor I asked her for some hot water in my room only a couple of minutes ago and now the chamber maid with my valet has brought everything that is necessary for a proper bath for Elisabeth.

#

I have laid my lovely wife on the bed and I promised her a nice bath but I am afraid that she has fallen asleep again. As we are alone now I go to her, touch her arm gently and whisper that her bath is ready. She slowly wakes and stretches her body in a most enthralling to me manner. I bite my lip as I look at her in fascination. As if reading my mind she smiles at me sweetly and says quite flirtatiously that she would need some help with undressing. I smile and say that I will call her lady maid to do just that. She whines at this and insist that I should do it.

She does not know me well after all. I would never dream of calling her maid now.

I help her from the bed, she raises her arms and looks at me expectantly. I stand behind her and I start to untie the ribbons. This gesture feels so intimate that I am bound to kiss her long, graceful neck. She tilts her head to the side as if to ease my journey.

After all her multiple layers of petticoats are finally on the ground, I swoop my beautiful, naked wife into my arms and bring her to the tub ready for her ablutions. As I lower her into the water our lips are locked in a delightful kiss. She is now immersed up to her neck so I step back but she asks for me to stay. I kneel by the tub and she hands me a sponge and says that she is too tired. She might be the end of me.

I take the sponge with the slightest of sighs. I start slowly and gently rubbing her arm, then the other. Her eyes are not leaving my face. I try to concentrate strictly on my assignment but when my hands get to her chest, I feel my breath becoming shorter. I cannot help myself and I start to make circles with sponge around her breasts. She closes her eyes, tilts her head and arches her back. I know those symptoms all too well but I know that she is truly tired so I just move the sponge to her legs. It does not have the result I have hoped for and she starts to moan quietly. All this has the inevitable effect on me but I promised myself that I should not …

I drop the sponge and dive with my hand between her thighs. As I touch her, Elisabeth moans loudly now. My fingers are giving Elisabeth so much pleasure that she reaches with her hand to my shoulder and digs her fingers into it. With my other hand I tug at her neck and pull her to me for a kiss. My tongue repeats the movement of my fingers.

It has the effect as expected and soon I can feel her body shudders and hot flush spreads over her. She calls me by my Christian name and a wave of extreme pleasure goes through me. One word from her and I nearly melt.

As I wait for her to recover, I stroke her thighs very gently. She looks into my eyes, she whispers 'William' again and I place a soft kiss on her sweet lips. When we pause for breath, she puts her arms around my neck and whispers that the water is getting cold and that she thinks she had enough of bathing for today.

I should have noticed that but in my dedication to her pleasure, my body is burning up. I scoop her quickly from the tub and put her on the floor. She reaches for the towel and I help her. My shirt is very wet at this point but I do not think I paid any attention to it. However Elisabeth notices and says demurely that I should rather get rid of it. As I take it off, she watches me with a smile that is mysterious to me. She drops her towel and hugs me with her whole body. The touch of her skin on mine sends shivers down my spine.

She disengages from me, runs to the bed and disappears under the covers. I tell Elisabeth that I shall join her in a moment and she accedes that she will wait.

I try to remove the rest of my clothes as quickly as I am able. I splash a little water on the bath cloth and scrub my body very hastily.

However when I join her in bed, she is fast asleep.

#

I am joined at the breakfast by Georgiana, Mr. Bennet and Mrs. Annesley. Elisabeth was still asleep when I left the bedroom. I could not find it within me to wake her as she looked very peaceful.

We are not ordinarily very talkative company at breakfast but since Mr. Bennet joined us I might as well try to engage him in a conversation. However I am unable to find an appropriate subject that might entice him. Oh god, how hard it can be. There is surely a subject that he might find interesting.

Suddenly I remembered the offer I extended to Mr. Gardiner when he was here last time. I ask Mr. Bennet if he would care to accompany me to the lake and I mention fishing. He turns to me with a look of bemusement on his face but quite eagerly accepts my offer. However he then very quickly returns to the perusal of his newspaper. I deliberate for a while should I continue the conversation but then I see a supportive smile from Georgiana and a wink from her. A wink?! The spirit of mischievousness emanating from Elisabeth's presence at Pemberley apparently brought about this behaviour of Georgiana. I am not cross though. I smile back at her.

#

Truthfully I cannot ascertain if this fishing trip with Mr. Bennet was a success or a disaster. We barely talked. Each time I endeavoured at the conversation, his replies usually were limited to unrecognisable grunts. I gave up after a while and we spent those two hours in a near silence.

Thankfully we are approaching the house now and each of us may be employed in our own activities separately.

I am startled by the sudden sound of Mr. Bennet's voice. He admits that he is very impressed with my library and especially with the orangery. He found Pemberley's collection of orchids most entertaining.

I try to reply but he raises his hand to stop me. Am I to be given a sermon?

He continues that as he had have visited now two of his married daughters, he is quite content and ensured of their happiness. I believe I have received a slightly veiled seal of approval. Again I try to interrupt.

Mr. Bennet however is determined to follow his trail of thought. He freely admits that before he gave his consent to Elisabeth's marrying me, he had some strong reservations against my person. I bow my head as I am well aware of the fact. But he then explains that since he had learnt of my actions towards the settlement of Lydia affair, he was forced to reconsider my character. A hot flush rushes through me. Elisabeth! I was sure that I could count on her secrecy at least.

As if reading my mind, Mr. Bennet begs me not to judge Elisabeth too harshly. Her actions were forced by his own stubbornness to see me in a different light and on his part he considers her resolve to divulge the facts a very prudent gesture. As I have apparently gained a forceful supporter of my case within the Bennets' household.

I am trying to take it all in. To be honest, I have never heard him talking for such a long time.

And apparently he has not finished yet. He reminds me that Elisabeth was and is his favourite daughter, therefore he confesses his keen observance of our behaviour both at Longbourne and especially here at Pemberley. He concludes, as far as I can gather that his heart is filled with immense joy at seeing not only Elisabeth so much in love and happy, but Elisabeth being loved ardently and bringing the happiness to others. And he adds that he is certain that he will be greatly enjoying his frequent visits to Pemberley.

He judged his time well, the carriage stops by the entrance.

#

I am still flustered as we enter the house. I am awaken though by 'Mr. Darcy' spoken sharply by a voice coming from the staircase.

As I turn my head towards it I find Elisabeth to my immense surprise. She continues with her accusations of my impertinent behaviour.

I dare not to look at Mr. Bennet. This might be the moment when his judgement of my character may take a different stance.

Elisabeth goes down the stairs in our direction and is saying that she finds it very rude not to be awoken for the breakfast and left to face the leftovers of it alone, due to my actions. As she reaches us she muses of the punishment that I must receive for such a behaviour.

And then she smiles with the most enchanting smile I have ever seen. I can see in the corner of my eye that Mr. Bennet is smiling and then he turns to go into the direction of library.

I take her into my arms and try to kiss her but she skilfully avoids my lips. She says, laughing now, that I do not deserve an afternoon kiss since I so cruelly left her bereft of the morning one. I pull her more tightly and she finally surrenders to a long deep kiss when she puts her arms around my neck.

When we pause for breath, I try to parry her accusations with my own disappointment of her falling asleep so quickly on yester night. She laughs, tilting her head back and I quickly take the opportunity to kiss the softest of skins on her neck.

She suddenly stops laughing and sighs softly, then she puts her lips to my ear and whispers that indeed it was my own fault again as my bathing attendance was almost too much to bear.

I am quite ready to continue upstairs what we have started here but she disengages from me, takes my hand and leads me to the music room, saying that she had just thought of my punishment. I am to join her and Georgiana in choosing the music for the upcoming ball.

#

Elisabeth and I stand by the pianoforte as Georgiana excitedly enumerates the pieces that she has chosen with my wife for the musicians to play at the ball. I feel guilty as I only pretend that I listen carefully to her. My mind is full of Elisabeth. And unbeknownst to Georgiana and Mrs. Annesley who is busy with her handiwork, my hand wanders freely all over Elisabeth's back as I caress it gently. She has stopped my hand at first but then allowed me to continue with the tiniest of sighs to avoid bringing Georgiana's attention to us.

Suddenly Elisabeth proposes that Georgiana should play us a short dance as she wants to make sure I still know how to dance. And she adds laughingly that she knows how I love to dance. I smile at this trickery but concede. And so is Georgiana, very enthusiastically I may add. Those two are as thick as thieves which warms my heart.

As we stand to dance, I cannot but remind myself of the night I had the pleasure to dance with Elisabeth for the first time. I admit I have improved on this memory and in my mind it was a pleasure from the beginning till the end. Since then I have danced with Elisabeth many times during the season in London and despite what my playful wife thinks, I honestly enjoy dancing, especially when I dance with Elisabeth.

I do not know how the others perceive our behaviour and I do not care for it very much but when we dance our eyes never leave each other's face and I always have this feeling of just us two in the ballroom. Just us.

And as we dance now, the feeling returns and there is only music and there are only us.

As the music stops and we clap thankfully to our skillfull entertainer, we look into each other eyes very intensely. Finally I take a deep breath as I intend to speak but I am beaten to it by Elisabeth who loudly informs Georgiana and Mrs. Annesley that there is the matter that she need to settle with me very urgently therefore we must beg forgiveness and leave them for a while.

Have I ever said that I love this woman?

#

We try not to run but assuredly our paces are quickened and as we reach the room we are joined by the most passionate kiss. And our hands nearly tear at each other's clothing without any sense of propriety. Without the break in our kisses we fall onto the bed.

#

Rays of the shy, springtime, afternoon sun fall softly on our naked bodies as we lay embraced, almost breathless as a result of our exercise.

I gently caress this lovely face of my Elisabeth. She smiles at me contentedly. I ask her if she is happy which prompts her to kiss me lovingly. From this I gather that I may venture the guess then that she is.

I start to recount to her my most interesting conversation with her father. She listens avidly but as I conclude her eyes fill with tears.

This is not the effect I have expected to see and I ask her gingerly for the reasons of her sudden sadness. I must have put it wrongly as now my Elisabeth is in tears and hides her face in her hands.

As my questions for the reason of her reaction bear no answers, I confine myself to embracing her tightly and kissing her forehead gently.

She finally calms herself and slowly, steadily and quietly explains that as she had read the letters from Jane and especially Mrs. Bennet, she got to thinking that she is obviously not a suitable wife for me as the months have passed and she is not nearer to giving me the children as it is a duty of a wife to secure the succession.

Indeed, both Jane and Lydia are expecting a child. Somehow I cannot believe that Jane's letter would bring out those sentiments. I rather think it is Mrs. Bennet. I feel the anger rising in me. Mrs. Bennet is very fortunate that she had not accompanied Mr. Bennet because she would take the full brunt of my fury at her interference. Especially as it causes so much pain to my dearest Elisabeth.

I try to compose myself before I answer to my wife who now stares at me with almost a fright. I understand that I cannot prolong my silence any further.

I start calmly to convey to her that my life has begun with her coming to my life. I was almost dead inside before I met her. She has made me the happiest man in the world and my love for her knows no bounds. I admit that there is a certain expectance of me imposed by the duty to my family but there is nothing more important to me than her happiness. And should the God not bless us with children I will die a happy man nevertheless as I have found the true meaning of my life in her. And I would find comfort in the thought purely for selfish reasons that her love for me will not be shared with anyone.

She is silent and gazes very intently into my eyes as if in search of truth. I think that she finds her answer as she whispers 'I love you more than my life, William'.

Words cannot express the feeling that spreads through me.

We kiss very gently but lovingly.

As I pull away I look deeply into her eyes. Then I say smiling at her that we should not perturbed by our lack of success and that it only should force us to increase the intensity of our endeavours.

And we both enthusiastically follow my advice.


End file.
